DISCONNECT
by: Marco Dominici
Disconnecting ... and I wake up.
I hear my father's voice calling me from the darkness, are the seven, I get up, eat, smoke a cigarette, I wash, get dressed, go out.
Life begins: disconnecting from darkness, the emptiness, out of nowhere, disconnection, that word before I wake, when I wake up.
I was dreaming, I do not remember what, I do not remember anything, just that word. Disconnecting from a dream, like turning off a switch, pull the plug, cut the wires, enough, END, STOP, dark, and then life throws you out of bed.
Blood, thick and viscous heavy drops of blood falling into the sink, Plick ... blood that mixes the water and walks away, down the drain in the sink.
The red blood turns me on, you want to drink it, you want to take the injured finger in his mouth and sucking up to dry, come want to make small cuts on his arm with the blade out and see it, admire it, warm, full bodied, nourishing. Blood and Flesh.
I want your blood.
- Ouch! - My sister Gina was cut with a knife while I was preparing breakfast, sticks his finger to his lips.
- Let me see - I say while I'm on a paper towel. The dabbed the wound. I want your blood ...
... Plick.
I leave home, down the road with the desire to fly off, think of a shining red drop of blood, afraid of my seventeen years and the conviction that they must have at least one certainty in life.
say that seventeen is an unlucky number, the earlier they have been ... I do not remember.
What have I been doing all these years? No, I do not remember and keep walking.
I'm going to find Michael.
Someone else said that on the seventeenth luck.
A house is not Michael, her mother tells me that he went to school.
I go to the gardens.
I find the usual bench. E 'alone. He stands there motionless.
I sit next to him.
- Why always come here? -
- Hello Mario. -
- I want to say that you doing? -
- Nothing. -
- ... -
- ... -
- When you come to school? -
- no returns. -
- Why? -
- There is no why, so, I'm here and I try not to think, but I can not ever, is difficult. -
- Today I'm not either, take a walk, I want to walk. - The story
the finger of my sister, do not seem to hear me, but it is not, I know how it's done, it always seems not to listen to you, look straight ahead blankly, eyes scattered, but do not drop to the ground even a word.
Gina likes, as I saw the look, carefully, with curiosity.
She never spoke, only a few hello.
says that some people do not need to talk. He's right.
continue to walk and talk, the rest of the day is lost in all.
Seven-thirty, What did I do yesterday?
not remember, get up, eat, cigarette, water and soap, deodorant, clothes it's cold, underground.
Where does sadness? If it's dark you can not do anything if you do not see anything behind you, if there is nothing in front of you, you can not do nothing, wait and pull you forward, and hope they go up to someone playing a song, old ones, so that everything changes, because then you can not.
And the man gets on the wagon, and attacks a song I do not know, taking me far away where they have never been, where I'll never go, and I thank him, but I have no words for him, only a few coins.
Two old women who hitherto had been quietly looking at him suspiciously, comment on each other in a low voice, and when he gives his hat jingling the coins that he collected what they pretend not to see him. Who knows what they are called I wonder.
Every time I meet someone who has nothing to do with the rest, I realize that something is out of place, but they are not, everything else is wrong.
The contrast that is created makes the other person's card, fake, plates, totally unaware of themselves, trapped in a mechanism that is idling, and it seems that we do not make account.
While they, that they look around wondering what's going on, have the same flavor of pure real person invented characters, who meet in the books.
When I meet these people I follow.
She is on the escalator in front of me, looks around. He notices that I'm staring at her and she does the same, I feel that should say something, and so I look away.
I have to go to school, but began to follow it without thinking.
I try not to see, keep me safe distance. I do not care to know, what I want is just look at her, watch her without her knowing it, see how it moves.
has something special, but I can not figure out what. Does not seem to go nowhere, passes through the stalls of the market, but does not stop at nothing. It 'very capable to walk among the people, wriggling between people without touching them almost as if there were, like paper thin.
I lost. I walk faster, looking for his head, among others.
E 'there, looking up, a blue balloon flying over the buildings, and higher still, but I already know that at some point explode, and with him his dream, because this is his hope , all times be a bit ' higher than before, right?
But no, it continues to rise, is a blue dot in the blue sky and then it is too small, too blue to be able to see again.
- What do you want from me? -
My heart jumps in my throat, no this should not happen, I want from you?
Nothing, nothing, you should not slipping by without my noticing it, you should not own.
I look at her without answering, I pretend that my surprise and innocence, as if I had followed her all morning.
- Why are you following me? -
At this point I have no way out, I have to invent another lie, a half-truth ...
- Really ... I like you, I could not take my eyes off ... would you go out with me? - And when I realize that the lie is more real than the truth for a moment I hope to say yes.
- ... -
- ... -
- You are desperate - now smiled that beautiful smile he has.
- You really are desperate. Too bad you were too cute ... goodbye. -
And there's more.
is now late to go to school.
On the bus there is a lot of people, but still there are no seats.
So I cling to the support with both hands and wait. I wait to get home, waiting by the central doors, as the bus goes, creeps in traffic, with its load of people waiting. He expects at a red light.
wait and watch people speak, someone is silent for luck, I may switch off, I'm just tired.
not remember what time of year I find myself, what is missing at the end of the school, I want to leave (in nowhere), I want to go to the beach with my sister Gina, make sand castles with her, digging a huge hole and seppellirmici inside.
A fly puts me in the nose, dragging the aspire to myself before I sail into account. The lungs reject it and start to cough but I can not eject it.
People are starting to look annoyed.
cough even more violently, I can not help myself, and eventually, vomiting on the legs of man sitting in front of me, the balloon vomit blue, the smile of the girl, the distant music, the park benches and blood of my sister.
no longer remains nothing is completely empty.
Michele's father died two years ago.
lived alone, was separated from his wife, Michele, and occasionally visited him, and sometimes accompanied him. Her father was sympathetic to me, spoke little but had a lot of comics.
One afternoon we found him dead, and when I saw him I ran away. I left my friend alone to look after his father died, I am a coward.
I ran with my stomach in turmoil, like now, I run home after he vomited on the legs of a man, I run at home, maybe even cry, I wish there was Gina at home waiting for me, I need her.
I need her?
came to the door and I attack the bell.
And 'my sister to open the door, not someone else, you Gina for luck.
The look in your eyes, right in his eyes blacks and ask
- It 's ready for lunch? -
She smiles warmly, makes me go into the house.
- Yes, almost, how did it go today? -
- Well - and now it seems to me that everything went really well.
And this is enough for me, I just really.
0 comments:
Post a Comment